You thought this was going to be about a musical, right? "I Feel Pretty" from West Side Story. Yep, I knew it. Well, I'm sorry to say that this is not about a musical - unless there is some musical about my life out there. No, this is about how dumb I feel after getting up in church today and RAMBLING on about stuff I was thinking about.
According to the unwritten rules of The Church, I was supposed to get up there and say the things that I was thinking/feeling that would make everyone feel good and spiritual. Well, I somehow missed reading those unwritten rules this morning before going to church, and well, I just kinda went round in circles about things that DIDN'T make everyone feel good and spiritual. In fact, I think they kinda made people feel guilty - which I did NOT want to do! (Maybe guilty is not the right word, but maybe I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, so guilty is the next worst alternative that they could feel.)
What did I say? Well, I'm not exactly sure. See, there was a little girl in our ward who had a tumor on her brain that they just found last Monday. She ended up having surgery and all is well, so her parents got up and thanked everyone for their prayers & fasting & thoughts & food & etc. While thinking about that story, I started relating the physical problems she had to the spiritual problems that someone very close to me is having. (I won't mention names, because the person I am thinking of has a name that starts with a Z, and that is at the end of the alphabet... and it will take too long to... um... do something, blah, blah, blah!) Perhaps I took my Adderall too late this morning, or it could be that I am on some manic high at the moment, but whatever the reason, I just starting thinking too deeply or too widely and decided that I wished that there were a way for me to take my baby to the doctor and to get some surgery to remove the spiritual tumor that has been growing as of late. So... THAT is what I got up and said. Amid tears, mind you. I said that I wished someone could bring me dinner, or that I could send out an e-mail asking for help in his behalf, but that I didn't feel like I could. (Then I quickly said "please, don't bring me dinner!" - which was even dumber of me to say! lol) All in all, I suppose the thing that came across was that there are spiritual needs (not just mine) that are actually much worse in the long run than a brain tumor (which is NOT what I feel really - because a tumor in a child is pretty much HORRIBLE!), and we don't seem to give those problems nearly the same amount of attention or thought or action as a ward or as a group of friends.
I guess that is what came across, because I have already had three people talk to me about what I said. Two gave me hugs, and one called me to thank me for saying what I said. Please, not PITY! I hope it is not out of PITY! I don't want to take away attention from anyone! I just have a problem that I don't know how to handle. I want some help - and I don't know how to ask for it, and I don't know what to ask for. I don't know how to fix this problem.
Somehow I think I may have said things that will offend people - especially the parents of the little girl. Oh how I wish I would have said NOTHING.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Saturday, March 29, 2008
My cup runneth over... or leaketh
Ok, so one of my BFFs (yes, I have more than one, but don't tell THEM!) sent this little cutsie story to me about hot chocolate and the cup, blah blah blah. I really don't like those things cluttering my inbox, but I actually liked this one! So, here it is (a little chopped up to make it shorter) for all (me) to read:
A group of graduates decided to go visit their old university professor. The conversation soon turned to complaints about stress in their work and lives. The professor went into his kitchen and returned with a large pot of hot chocolate and an assortment of cups - porcelain, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling his former students to help themselves to the hot chocolate.
When they all had a cup of hot chocolate in hand, the professor said, "Notice that all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. The cup that you're drinking from adds nothing to the quality of the hot chocolate. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was hot chocolate, not the cup; but you went for the best cups... and then you began eyeing each other's cups.
Here is the lesson: Life is the hot chocolate; your job, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain life. The cup you have does not define, nor change the quality of life you have.
See, I want to have a nicer cup - one with four big wheels, and a Toyota or Lexus insignia on the back, but the reality is that I don't have the ability to buy anything nicer than a plastic cup from IKEA, or a paper cup from Walmart. The important thing to remember is that any cup (as long as it is clean) is ok for me to use to savor my hot choco. Let's see if I can take this further... um, ya, I can savor my hot cho-co-lah-tay in a paper cup on the beach if I want to, right? I can take my cup anywhere! I mean, imagine the small paper cup with the hot stuff in it (wax melting on the outside) cruising on a Disney cruise ship out in the Caribbean. Ya ya, that's it!
Wait... I think I have gone overboard (no pun intended). I guess the whole idea of this story is that we are supposed to look INSIDE of the cup, right? We all have the same good stuff on the inside, we just "get" to enjoy it from different holders. Ok, so I need to enjoy it no matter what the cup looks like. But, I can still want to take the cup somewhere fun, right?
Is sarcasm always negative? Is negative always bad? Isn't it funny sometimes?
Eeek, now the "cup half full" scenario comes to mind, which means that the hot chocolate story can be taken even further. BUT... I am going to stop. I have to continue to figure out how to use a database (see previous post).
A group of graduates decided to go visit their old university professor. The conversation soon turned to complaints about stress in their work and lives. The professor went into his kitchen and returned with a large pot of hot chocolate and an assortment of cups - porcelain, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling his former students to help themselves to the hot chocolate.
When they all had a cup of hot chocolate in hand, the professor said, "Notice that all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. The cup that you're drinking from adds nothing to the quality of the hot chocolate. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was hot chocolate, not the cup; but you went for the best cups... and then you began eyeing each other's cups.
Here is the lesson: Life is the hot chocolate; your job, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain life. The cup you have does not define, nor change the quality of life you have.
See, I want to have a nicer cup - one with four big wheels, and a Toyota or Lexus insignia on the back, but the reality is that I don't have the ability to buy anything nicer than a plastic cup from IKEA, or a paper cup from Walmart. The important thing to remember is that any cup (as long as it is clean) is ok for me to use to savor my hot choco. Let's see if I can take this further... um, ya, I can savor my hot cho-co-lah-tay in a paper cup on the beach if I want to, right? I can take my cup anywhere! I mean, imagine the small paper cup with the hot stuff in it (wax melting on the outside) cruising on a Disney cruise ship out in the Caribbean. Ya ya, that's it!
Wait... I think I have gone overboard (no pun intended). I guess the whole idea of this story is that we are supposed to look INSIDE of the cup, right? We all have the same good stuff on the inside, we just "get" to enjoy it from different holders. Ok, so I need to enjoy it no matter what the cup looks like. But, I can still want to take the cup somewhere fun, right?
Is sarcasm always negative? Is negative always bad? Isn't it funny sometimes?
Eeek, now the "cup half full" scenario comes to mind, which means that the hot chocolate story can be taken even further. BUT... I am going to stop. I have to continue to figure out how to use a database (see previous post).
Good News!!
Ok, I have good news - at least for myself. I just learned how to print off an envelope with an address on it! I know, this is probably old hat for so many people, but I just barely figured it out! Plus, today I am learning how to use a spreadsheet and a database - thanks to the "help" section of Microsoft Works. (I got it at DI the other day for .50 cents) Leah also helped me... even though I got her out of bed too early this morning with my "HELP ME" phone call. Poor thing. Since she worked in the software sector (albeit 11+ years ago), I figure she still knows everything about software, so she is my go-to gal for that stuff!
So, I am happily printing off envelopes for everything I have to send - which is not much. I do have to send a check for $7 to a gal so I can take M&M on a fieldtrip to Thanksgiving Point Farm this next month. I also had to print out an envelope to send away for some free "don't park in handicapped spaces" stickers. I had to print out a SASE for that too, so that was extra fun! (SASE = Self Addressed Stamped Envelope ...remember, from Zoom!) So, I have printed off THREE and I feel so organized.
So, I am happily printing off envelopes for everything I have to send - which is not much. I do have to send a check for $7 to a gal so I can take M&M on a fieldtrip to Thanksgiving Point Farm this next month. I also had to print out an envelope to send away for some free "don't park in handicapped spaces" stickers. I had to print out a SASE for that too, so that was extra fun! (SASE = Self Addressed Stamped Envelope ...remember, from Zoom!) So, I have printed off THREE and I feel so organized.
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