Death by initiation... or WHO'S YOUR COUPON MAMA???

So, I just read one of those forwarded e-mails that we all HATE to get. You know, the ones that we can disprove by going to snopes.com and looking it up. (and yes, I've seen the new one that disproves snopes... lol) This one talked about "gang initiations" going on in my county this weekend - the initiation rite was that they have to kill three women at Walmart. Anyway, for a sec, I was freaked out, cuz if it were true... I COULDA BEEN KILLED!!!

See, I was at Walmart in AF until 1am last night just relaxing for a few hours... you know that feeling, no? After my "check out high", I walked out to the car by myself with my "haul" ($175 original prices down to $37 oop using Qs) and loaded the car, then I studied my receipt (as all good addicts do) before driving off. Prolly not a smart thing to do in the first place, but the kids are in bed at that time, and I can think in the store by myself - well worth it... although had I been a victim of a gang initiation, I might not have thought that same way.

Anyway, I figured my fear was unwarranted. I mean, I'd up and scare the %&$^ out of anyone who tried to take "Roxy the Foxy Boxy" from me (that is the name of my coupon box that I take with me everywhere), much less tried to kill me. On the other hand, maybe I could have bribed them with some Yoplait Kids Cups, or a box of Kelloggs cereal, or some Kotex pads... or even some KY Jelly - all of which I got free! LOLOL Then I'd yell "Who's your coupon mama?" which would weird them out enough that they'd be runnin the other way!

One small step...

Here is my theory (for anyone who reads this... which is generally ME!): 20 yrs ago I agreed to stay at home to raise the kids...and everything that goes with it - including making 72 Valentines with chocolates attached. It all made perfect sense back then, cuz the babies were babies! HOWEVER, now that Maggie is in 2nd grade, my "stuff" is not taking all day to do, so I have quite a bit of free time. Does that mean I should fill it with some income producing work? Do I have to be productive all day long? I was productive 24/7 for QUITE a while! Anyway, I kind of feel like I "should" work - I mean, for retirement purposes. Cuz, what if the economy really tanks, and I have no equity whatsoever left in my home, and my pool table and Foosball table are worth nothing in a garage sale??

BUT, but... I kinda feel like I want to stay home and do nothing, cuz I like it. Plus it is true that the kids need a mom at this stage of the game just as much (if not more) than they did when they were in diapers.

I am one click away from taking Abnormal Psychology from BYU. It is one small step/click for independent study, but a GIANT step for mankind/me. If I take it, that means I will take Stats (Math 2010) after that, then I will take the GRE, then I will hopefully get in to the Masters in Educational Counseling program (through Utah State, but taken at UVU - distance learning thing) that starts this fall. So by taking this one class, am I signing up for full-time work?

But... but... but... I don't WANNA!!!

So I am in a QUANDARY... or I have a quandary. (Not sure which is the right way to say that. No wait, I am sure... it is "in".)

Thinking

So... I have just NOT been in a good mood lately. I mean, I am not really myself. Not sure what could cause me to lose who I have always been, but it COULD be an inordinate amount of uncommon stressors. I can deal with stress that I know and understand. But when things happen that I am not prepared to have happen... well I cave to the feelings that belong to "normal" people. (Cuz yeah, for some reason I think I am above the "normal" feelings that "normal" people have when stressed.)

Why do I like to question everything? What is wrong with just accepting what people say is real? ...people I respect and believe, of course. There must really be a RIGHT and a WRONG, a REAL and a NOT REAL to everything - otherwise why would it constantly drive me crazy until I figure it out?

Maybe I should study math. Math is just plain old correct or incorrect, whereas psychology/sociology is so subjective. If I think through a math problem, there is eventually an END. If I think through a people problem, I can go on and on and on and on... there is NO end!

Take religion... or um... maybe don't take religion.

Apples to Apples

Apples to apples... that is the game about getting to know people and how they think, isn't it?

I could be on a cruise. Well... I mean, I really couldn't be on a cruise cuz I can't afford it, but I am having just as much fun with my friends as if I WERE on a cruise. :o)

For a "people person" the internet is just about as much fun as it gets! Bogging, chatting, e-mailing, "facebooking" (surely that is a verb, no?). I have managed to hook up with some of my BEST friends from high school lately through the internet. It has been amazing how we have just been able to pick up where we left off. Isn't it interesting how our minds store so much info, so many thoughts, so many memories that just sit tucked away in the deep dark caverns of our brains until we need to pull them forward again? (what do you mean YOU don't have deep dark caverns in YOUR brain? Hmm...) Anyway, it has been a lot of fun going down memory lane and fitting the pieces together of where my friends have been in the last 20 years.

All in all, it seems to me that people don't change that much over time. I mean, I can hear my friends' voices as I read what they write. They still sound the same. The inflections are still there just like they were years ago. It is reassuring in a way - I mean, if they haven't changed all that much, then perhaps I haven't changed all that much. If they liked me then, they will probably still like me now! :o)

There is just something about our CORE (in comes the apple thing). As humans I think we have a core; a core which does not change through life's events. It IS who we are. We can put layers on our core and build walls around our core in hopes of protecting ourselves. Those walls and layers may change our outward appearance, and perhaps some of our actions, but I am just not so sure that anything can really change our core! I think that when we peel off the skin and eat away the juicy fruit, we all end up with the same thing... a core - with the seeds inside that are really the life of the apple.

No, I am not going to take the analogy further and make apple pie, or apple fritters, or even The Apple Dumpling Gang.... I just wanted to remind myself that I love going on a cruise (even thought I've never been on one), and that my friends and I are all fruits!

Thoughts from the dark side....

Ok, here is the deal. After doing everything I was supposed to do in order to get an A+ in this LDS culture, (100% active all my life, serving a mission, temple marriage, BYU graduate, accepting callings, SAHM for 20 yrs, reading, praying, templing, tithing, forgiving, even baking bread) I feel like I've been given a D- now that I am divorced and have "non mission" kids. (it is me judging myself and giving myself those feelings - I know that). So, I am trying VERY hard to be "inactive" and just leave The Church. You know, just walk away.

It is not working - at least not socially.

It's my ward. They won't let me do it! I had an "Ensign" Sunday last week. Right after church (which I didn't attend), my HTs showed up (one of whom is a very prominent BYU athletic... person). Anyway, just as they were about to leave, 7 of my good girl friends in the ward showed up (dresses on, Ensign in hand) and sat in my front room and were just my friends. Ten min after that, my VT showed up just to chat, then another gal in the ward brought over a letter just sharing her feelings with me. I finally decided to leave the house and take my dog for a walk (the kids were with their dad), when a member of the EQP chases me down on his motorcycle! He just wanted to chat (cuz he has been where I am), so we did for about an hour.

Honestly, if that weren't enough, I've had Zucchini bread delivered (fresh from the oven), and a CD with a Women of Destiny song burned on it - both delivered with anonymous "we love you" cards. Then today, I find an envelope taped to my front door with yet another anonymous card and ...$150 cash stuck in side. (I'm desperately trying to recall exactly whose handwriting is on this particular card!)

NOW what am I supposed to do???? Sheesh, maybe they are thinking that if they can't kill me with kindness, perhaps they can buy my activity! (they know me well...)

The thing is, I just wanna be BAD for a while. I don't mean actually do things that are against my moral code, I guess I just want to be different from what I have been - cuz the end result wasn't all that much fun when I "chose the right"! It was peaceful, but I didn't end up where I thought I would end up.

So, I am still as cynical as ever. Probably nothing to worry about... at least nothing serious. My RSP told me to go for it, but make sure I give equal amounts of time to both camps. I asked her if that meant I could drink coffee WHILE reading scriptures ...she just rolled her eyes.

Education vs Coupons

Did I happen to mention that with my special education degree from a 4 year college, I get paid a whopping $8.92 per hour to work full-time in a special ed class over at the high school... and that the "head sweeper" gets paid $2 more per hour that me? Well, if I didn't happen to mention that, then I am mentioning it now.

As I was sitting here fuming over my hourly wage while trying to figure out all the great deals for my WSA (Weekend Shopping Extravaganza), I was realizing that I could possibly make more money shopping than I can working!!!!!!!!! Now there is really something wrong with that, isn't there? I mean, I can make some fairly good money this weekend by purchasing Poptarts, Rice Krispy Treats, Robitussin, and Crest Mouthwash. I can add to my stockpile of snack, self-care products, and my bank account all at the same time.

They say "Money can't buy happiness". That may be true for some people (myself NOT included! LOL), however I'm lovin' my new mantra: "Coupons can buy money"!!

The "don't"s of being me.

I was raised Mormon, in the heart of the Mormon capitol of the world... UTAH!

Just some basic info: we don't have horns, or more than one wife (and certainly not more than one husband!!! lol), and we all don't have 10 kids and one on the way!! We do get married in the temple, but there is nothing WEIRD that goes on in there... and don't ask me what DOES go on in there, cuz i can't tell you or I'd have to kill you... or baptize you. We don't think there are only a certain number of people who get in to heaven, and we don't think Joseph Smith is Jesus Christ! We don't have a bible that is any different from the King James version (which is the one we use), and we don't drink and don't smoke, but we do eventually have... well, you know... the "S" word but only after we are married. LOLOLOL

We do try to live by the Golden Rule, but it usually doesn't seem to work very well.
We do not drink coffee, but we do try to buy all the Diet Coke that we can possibly fit in our minivans using FACEBOOK coupons. (Well, ok, that part is just about me...)
We do send our 19yr old sons away for 2 years to be missionaries somewhere in the world... but I haven't.
We don't get divorced... but I did.
We don't want moms to work outside of the home... but I do.
We don't swear... but I do that too.
We don't gamble... but I only do that if I go through Vegas.

Gee... I'm not a very good Mormon, am I?