Apples to Apples

Apples to apples... that is the game about getting to know people and how they think, isn't it?

I could be on a cruise. Well... I mean, I really couldn't be on a cruise cuz I can't afford it, but I am having just as much fun with my friends as if I WERE on a cruise. :o)

For a "people person" the internet is just about as much fun as it gets! Bogging, chatting, e-mailing, "facebooking" (surely that is a verb, no?). I have managed to hook up with some of my BEST friends from high school lately through the internet. It has been amazing how we have just been able to pick up where we left off. Isn't it interesting how our minds store so much info, so many thoughts, so many memories that just sit tucked away in the deep dark caverns of our brains until we need to pull them forward again? (what do you mean YOU don't have deep dark caverns in YOUR brain? Hmm...) Anyway, it has been a lot of fun going down memory lane and fitting the pieces together of where my friends have been in the last 20 years.

All in all, it seems to me that people don't change that much over time. I mean, I can hear my friends' voices as I read what they write. They still sound the same. The inflections are still there just like they were years ago. It is reassuring in a way - I mean, if they haven't changed all that much, then perhaps I haven't changed all that much. If they liked me then, they will probably still like me now! :o)

There is just something about our CORE (in comes the apple thing). As humans I think we have a core; a core which does not change through life's events. It IS who we are. We can put layers on our core and build walls around our core in hopes of protecting ourselves. Those walls and layers may change our outward appearance, and perhaps some of our actions, but I am just not so sure that anything can really change our core! I think that when we peel off the skin and eat away the juicy fruit, we all end up with the same thing... a core - with the seeds inside that are really the life of the apple.

No, I am not going to take the analogy further and make apple pie, or apple fritters, or even The Apple Dumpling Gang.... I just wanted to remind myself that I love going on a cruise (even thought I've never been on one), and that my friends and I are all fruits!

Thoughts from the dark side....

Ok, here is the deal. After doing everything I was supposed to do in order to get an A+ in this LDS culture, (100% active all my life, serving a mission, temple marriage, BYU graduate, accepting callings, SAHM for 20 yrs, reading, praying, templing, tithing, forgiving, even baking bread) I feel like I've been given a D- now that I am divorced and have "non mission" kids. (it is me judging myself and giving myself those feelings - I know that). So, I am trying VERY hard to be "inactive" and just leave The Church. You know, just walk away.

It is not working - at least not socially.

It's my ward. They won't let me do it! I had an "Ensign" Sunday last week. Right after church (which I didn't attend), my HTs showed up (one of whom is a very prominent BYU athletic... person). Anyway, just as they were about to leave, 7 of my good girl friends in the ward showed up (dresses on, Ensign in hand) and sat in my front room and were just my friends. Ten min after that, my VT showed up just to chat, then another gal in the ward brought over a letter just sharing her feelings with me. I finally decided to leave the house and take my dog for a walk (the kids were with their dad), when a member of the EQP chases me down on his motorcycle! He just wanted to chat (cuz he has been where I am), so we did for about an hour.

Honestly, if that weren't enough, I've had Zucchini bread delivered (fresh from the oven), and a CD with a Women of Destiny song burned on it - both delivered with anonymous "we love you" cards. Then today, I find an envelope taped to my front door with yet another anonymous card and ...$150 cash stuck in side. (I'm desperately trying to recall exactly whose handwriting is on this particular card!)

NOW what am I supposed to do???? Sheesh, maybe they are thinking that if they can't kill me with kindness, perhaps they can buy my activity! (they know me well...)

The thing is, I just wanna be BAD for a while. I don't mean actually do things that are against my moral code, I guess I just want to be different from what I have been - cuz the end result wasn't all that much fun when I "chose the right"! It was peaceful, but I didn't end up where I thought I would end up.

So, I am still as cynical as ever. Probably nothing to worry about... at least nothing serious. My RSP told me to go for it, but make sure I give equal amounts of time to both camps. I asked her if that meant I could drink coffee WHILE reading scriptures ...she just rolled her eyes.