My lifeshake!

Guess what.  I am whole.  I found my new normal - the place we all have to reach when expectations don't come to fruition.  It took a while, but I'm here.  I mean, I feel like I have actually arrived at my destination.  It isn't one I planned for, but it really fits, and I am oh so glad to be here!

How did it happen?  Well, looking back, it seems something like this:  I decided to make a milkshake.  I hadn't thought much about wanting one, but I felt it would be fine to have one, so... I made one.  Problem was, I had no milk.  So, I took my life and threw it in to the blender.  I put my much-too-large home, my super awesome kids, my rocky relationship with my ex, my very supportive friends, my sorry sibling issues, my scary financial struggles, my upsidedown relationship with religion, my hundreds of great decisions about "what to do" that never came to be, my emotions that had been tucked away for far too many years, and me all in the blender.  Had I taken the time to think about what I was about to do, I never would have done it.  But, LUCKILY for me, I was impulsive as ever, and I just pushed "blend".

That blender whirled around with all of me inside for three months.  Twelve weeks.  Ninety long, dark, out-of-control, spinning days. Then... it all stopped.

As you can imagine, all of those ingredients make for quite a large milkshake/lifeshake.  Thus, I have been pouring myself in to lovely old-fashion milkshake glasses for the last few weeks.  Today, I finally managed to get a straw and take a long cold sip... and gosh almighty, it is DELICIOUS!!!!   Furthermore, there are no holes!  Not in the glasses, and not in me!  ...and believe me, there WAS a hole for a while. 

My life-shake is the best decision/shake I've ever made!  I didn't follow the right recipe.  In fact, I didn't even bother looking for one,  I just listened to my intuition.  I let ME talk me into it.  Because I let me make my decisions with myself, I am responsible for the outcome, the consequences.  No one to blame, no one to thank.  (That's not to say that there were not many people who helped me along the way, but that is for another blog!)  I trust myself now.  I don't have any more holes.  I'm proud of me!  I'm whole.

So, I'm here and I love my new normal.  I've arrived as a milkshake.  Everything has been blended together so that nothing is too big, too heavy, too sad, or too much.  Everything is equal, and I am balanced.  My life is smooth, and cool, and beautiful, and refreshing.

I'm in love at last... with my new normal.