One small step...

Here is my theory (for anyone who reads this... which is generally ME!): 20 yrs ago I agreed to stay at home to raise the kids...and everything that goes with it - including making 72 Valentines with chocolates attached. It all made perfect sense back then, cuz the babies were babies! HOWEVER, now that Maggie is in 2nd grade, my "stuff" is not taking all day to do, so I have quite a bit of free time. Does that mean I should fill it with some income producing work? Do I have to be productive all day long? I was productive 24/7 for QUITE a while! Anyway, I kind of feel like I "should" work - I mean, for retirement purposes. Cuz, what if the economy really tanks, and I have no equity whatsoever left in my home, and my pool table and Foosball table are worth nothing in a garage sale??

BUT, but... I kinda feel like I want to stay home and do nothing, cuz I like it. Plus it is true that the kids need a mom at this stage of the game just as much (if not more) than they did when they were in diapers.

I am one click away from taking Abnormal Psychology from BYU. It is one small step/click for independent study, but a GIANT step for mankind/me. If I take it, that means I will take Stats (Math 2010) after that, then I will take the GRE, then I will hopefully get in to the Masters in Educational Counseling program (through Utah State, but taken at UVU - distance learning thing) that starts this fall. So by taking this one class, am I signing up for full-time work?

But... but... but... I don't WANNA!!!

So I am in a QUANDARY... or I have a quandary. (Not sure which is the right way to say that. No wait, I am sure... it is "in".)

Thinking

So... I have just NOT been in a good mood lately. I mean, I am not really myself. Not sure what could cause me to lose who I have always been, but it COULD be an inordinate amount of uncommon stressors. I can deal with stress that I know and understand. But when things happen that I am not prepared to have happen... well I cave to the feelings that belong to "normal" people. (Cuz yeah, for some reason I think I am above the "normal" feelings that "normal" people have when stressed.)

Why do I like to question everything? What is wrong with just accepting what people say is real? ...people I respect and believe, of course. There must really be a RIGHT and a WRONG, a REAL and a NOT REAL to everything - otherwise why would it constantly drive me crazy until I figure it out?

Maybe I should study math. Math is just plain old correct or incorrect, whereas psychology/sociology is so subjective. If I think through a math problem, there is eventually an END. If I think through a people problem, I can go on and on and on and on... there is NO end!

Take religion... or um... maybe don't take religion.